How to Challenge Teen Guys (and Why They’ll Thank You for It)

Ellen Hembree • November 3, 2025

Cultures Keep Redefining Manhood. No Wonder Our Teen Guys Are Confused.

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In a world that swings between mocking masculinity and excusing toxic versions of it, a lot of young men are left confused, bored, and passive. As Ryne shared in this conversation, that confusion shows up in our youth rooms every week: guys zoning out, drifting to their phones, and stepping back instead of stepping up.

So how do we call them up into biblical manhood—not just louder, tougher “bro culture,” but Christlike strength?

This post walks through a simple, biblical framework you can use to challenge the young men in your ministry to grow. It comes from Robert Lewis’ book Raising a Modern-Day Knight and is woven together with real stories from youth group life.

Jesus Is the Ultimate Man (Even If Our Kids Don’t See Him That Way)

Keith tells a story from his boss, Todd Peters, a retired Navy SEAL and “man’s man.” At a men’s conference Todd asked hundreds of guys:

“When you think of the ultimate man, who do you picture?”

The room answered with names like John Wayne and Sylvester Stallone—tough, muscular, grit-filled movie stars. Not one Christian man in that room said Jesus.

That’s a problem.

If we don’t teach our students that Jesus is the ultimate man, they’ll build their idea of manhood out of memes, movies, and whatever their favorite influencer is selling this week.

We have to show them:

Jesus was meek (power under control), not weak.
He welcomed children and fashioned a whip and cleared the temple. That wasn’t a temper tantrum—that was deliberate, righteous anger.
He embodied courage, sacrifice, conviction, and love perfectly.

Before we talk about “biblical manhood,” we have to root it in the person of Jesus.

A Wednesday Night Wake-Up Call

Ryne has been filling in with a combined 7th–8th grade guys group during a “History Makers” series.

One night he teaches a passionate 35-minute lesson on the life of William Carey—full story, Scripture, the works. Five minutes later in small group he asks:

“Alright, guys, who did we talk about tonight?”

Silence.

Then it hits him: they don’t remember. Anything.

He folds up the small group sheet and levels with them.

To explain the spiritual battle they’re in, he gives them this picture:

“Imagine you’re dropped into a battlefield. There are tanks, helicopters, machine guns, heavy artillery—everything aimed at you.
And you look down and realize you’re holding…a Nerf gun.

That’s what’s happening spiritually. You’re in a real battle, with real weapons available in Christ—but you’re choosing to walk out with a toy. It’s not going to end well. It’s time to put childish ways behind you and grow up.”

He leaves discouraged.

But the next week, before small group even starts, he hears them reviewing who they just learned about. They’re prepared. The last few weeks, they’ve been on it—answering, remembering, even walking through the GOSPEL acrostic from memory.

The takeaway: teen guys will respond when they’re clearly and lovingly challenged. That moment led Ryne back to a framework that’s helped him define and teach biblical manhood for years.

We Can’t Become What We Can’t Define

Robert Lewis, in Raising a Modern-Day Knight, argues that:

“We cannot become what we cannot define.”

He looks at cultures around the world and notices they have clear rites of passage into manhood. In contrast, modern Western culture leaves boys to figure it out on their own—or to try to “declare themselves” men in weird, unhealthy ways.

Lewis says manhood is “caught, not just taught.” It has to be bestowed by other men who model it.

His definition of a real man has four parts:

A real man:

Rejects passivity
Accepts responsibility
Leads courageously
Expects the greater reward—God’s reward

This is the grid Ryne uses with teen guys. Let’s walk through each piece and talk about how it shapes our youth ministries.

1. Challenge Teen Guys to Reject Passivity

John Eldredge once wrote that “passivity is the default setting of the fallen man.”

You see it in Genesis 3. Eve is talking to the serpent, and Scripture says Adam was with her. God had given the command directly to Adam, but he stood there and watched the whole thing unfold. Sin entered the world not just through Eve’s bite, but through Adam’s passivity.

Since the fall, men have been tempted either to check out (passivity) or to control (domineering). For teen guys, passivity usually looks like:

hiding behind a phone
shrugging instead of speaking up
“forgetting” responsibility
drifting rather than deciding

How we push back on passivity in youth group

Ryne’s ministry intentionally sets a different expectation:

We say the culture of God’s kingdom is different. We don’t apologize for calling guys to something higher.
We set clear expectations.
In small group: you engage, you participate, you listen.
In large group: you’re present, not on your phone.
In free time: you don’t sit alone and withdraw; you notice those who are left out and pull them in.
Male leaders model engagement. They don’t hide in the back, arms crossed. They play games with the students, talk to new kids, open their Bibles, and live “up front” instead of passively observing.

Sometimes rejecting passivity is as simple as walking up to a guy who’s sitting alone scrolling and saying, “Hey man, that’s not what we do here. Come help me with this,” and bringing him into the life of the group.

2. Challenge Teen Guys to Accept Responsibility

Tony Evans puts it this way: responsibility is not a burden to avoid; it’s a trust to honor.

Before sin entered the world, God gave Adam responsibility:

“The Lord God took the man and put him in the garden of Eden to work it and keep it.” (Genesis 2:15)

Work and responsibility weren’t punishments—they were part of man’s original design.

Ryne is honest: he does put more responsibility on the guys in the youth group than on the girls—not because girls are incapable, but because he’s modeling the increased responsibility men will carry one day as husbands and fathers.

Simple youth ministry practices that teach responsibility

Here are a few concrete ways they do this:

Guys eat last.
Their job is to make sure everyone else is taken care of before they serve themselves.
Guys clean up.
If a leader sees a girl stacking chairs while guys stand around, the guys get called on it—immediately.
Guys carry the load (literally).
At camp and events, guys are the first to volunteer to carry heavy stuff, help set up, tear down, etc.
No excuse culture.
When a guy tries to spin a story to dodge responsibility—“I got a bad ticket,” “it just didn’t work”—leaders gently but firmly press in: “Okay, what actually happened? Own your part.”

Over time, these little habits teach: Real men don’t dodge responsibility. They move towards it.

3. Challenge Teen Guys to Lead Courageously

Voddie Baucham has said that a man’s courage is measured by how much truth he’s willing to live out loud.

Paul writes:

“Be watchful, stand firm in the faith, act like men, be strong.
Let all that you do be done in love.”
— 1 Corinthians 16:13–14

That last line is crucial. Courageous leadership in the kingdom isn’t bluster or bullying; it’s strength expressed in love.

Surround them with male spiritual leaders

Many students have never seen a man lead spiritually. Maybe their dad is around but disengaged, or perhaps there’s no believing man in the home at all.

Ryne talks about how formative it was when adult men in his small church:

led Bible studies, and
took teenage guys door to door to share the gospel—nervous, but obedient.

They didn’t just talk about leadership; they showed it.

Put teen guys in real leadership roles

In youth group, this looks like:

Letting guys lead first—praying, reading Scripture, setting the tone in small group—while still providing meaningful leadership opportunities for girls.
Calling them up, not just out. Instead of only correcting, we actively:
Name the moments they do lead well.
Point out the godly courage we see in them.
Tell them, “You stepping up there—that’s what a man does.”

Ryne also intentionally teaches the girls: “Don’t settle.”

When a girl is interested in a guy, he invites conversation—not to shame her, but to help her see, “If you’re already saying he’s immature, selfish, or spiritually checked out, that’s a red flag. Make him grow up. Don’t lower the bar.”

Healthy young women calling healthy young men to “be the man” is a gift. Many married men could tell stories of their wives saying some version of, “I need you to lead here,” in a moment that jolted them toward maturity.

4. Challenge Teen Guys to Expect the Greater Reward

Jim Elliot famously wrote:

“He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep to gain what he cannot lose.”

Jesus says the same thing in Matthew 6: don’t pile up treasures on earth; store up treasures in heaven, “for where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.”

We tend not to talk about eternal rewards with teenagers because we’re so careful not to confuse salvation by grace with “earning” heaven. But Scripture is clear: while salvation is a gift, God does reward faithful obedience.

Teen guys need to know:

Living for Jesus is not a waste.
Turning down sin is not pointless.
Quiet faithfulness is seen, remembered, and rewarded by God.

Pushing back against instant gratification

Our culture is wired for “right now”:

Movies used to require a trip to a store, hoping the VHS was in stock.
Now if a stream buffers for five seconds, we’re offended.
Amazon delivers products so fast it almost feels like they shipped before you hit “Buy Now.”

God, on the other hand, grows things slowly:

Moses: 40 years thinking he was somebody, 40 years thinking he was nobody, then 40 years leading God’s people.
Joseph: years in slavery and prison before his promotion.
Jesus: 30 years of quiet preparation for three years of public ministry.

Teaching guys to “expect the greater reward” means teaching them to:

delay gratification,
live for eternity, and
believe that God’s “Well done” is worth more than any applause, stats, or followers they can gain now.

A Practical Tool: Celebrate Decisions Like They Matter

One simple way Ryne’s team reinforces the weight of spiritual decisions is through a “new believer letter” system:

When a student trusts Christ, they log the date in their database.
An automatic alert reminds them to mail a personalized letter that:
celebrates Luke 15:7—the joy in heaven over one sinner who repents,
helps the student remember, “This was a real decision. This matters,” and
often sparks conversations at home when parents see the letter.
A year later, another automatic reminder prompts a follow-up letter:
If the student is growing and plugged in, they celebrate that.
If the student has drifted, it becomes a gentle, relational nudge: “We’re still here. We still care. Come back.”

It’s a small thing, but it reinforces what we’re telling our guys: your spiritual life matters. Your choices matter. God is doing something in you that’s worth remembering.

Why This Matters for the Girls Too

Some might wonder, “Couldn’t all of this apply to girls as well?” Absolutely—many of these truths do.

But in practice, when you intentionally call young men to:

reject passivity,
accept responsibility,
lead courageously, and
expect God’s greater reward, the whole ministry gets healthier.

Ryne has seen this over and over: the girls in the group are often the most grateful when guys are challenged and held to a higher standard. They feel:

safer
more valued
more free to grow without carrying the emotional and spiritual weight the guys are dropping in other parts of their lives

For some of them, youth group is the one place they experience men who serve instead of use, protect instead of exploit, and own responsibility instead of running from it.